Baby Hunt and Other Things

Have my Life Back :)

2009-09-23T06:20:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't posted forever. For one thing, no one really reads this. But above all, first we were struggling with Adam's sleepiness and inability to feed (he kept falling asleep). Consequently, his bilirubin was growing very, very fast and he had to be hospitalized and spend a day under the bili lights. Thankfully this resolved itself once my milk came in. And then we had colic.

Well, you might know that colic is actually not a diagnosis, just a word for "there is something wrong with your baby and we don't really know what." It turns out that what is wrong with our baby is a severe lactose intolerance. First I cut out all the milk and milk products such as cheese, yoghurts and creme. No change. So I had to start reading the labels for hidden milk. No change. As a last try I got a list of things that have a relation to milk, which led to a temporary improvement and then a horrible blow out of symptoms. We have been on a special formula ever since and boy, I have an angel baby now! No more screaming in pain, no more holding when he is sleeping and way more sleep for momma. Which is why I came to be writing now - Adam is happily swinging in his swing fast asleep and if today is like the last two days, he will be sleeping till 1pm. Glorious :)

As far as I am concerned, I am feeling a bit down because of the whole breastfeeding thing. I had a very hard time getting used to it, hurt quite a lot and took forever to get the milk in. I had several infections, several days of fever as my supply was adjusting and pumping to build a supply for when I go back to work has been a challenge because it turns out I don't pump well at all. However, I built a stash of 350 oz to date, got to the point where my supply regulated and yet Adam will be a formula baby. I don't think that anyone who has not experienced this can understand how frustrating this really is. I was for sure not attached to breastfeeding, but the idea of Adam not getting the very best is breaking my heart. But I've got to do what's best for him. Aaah, the joys of parenthood.

Adam Radley is here!

2009-07-29T05:22:00.000-07:00

Adam Radley has arrived on 7/9/09 at 10.21 pm. He was 21 inches long and 7 pounds 5 oz. He will be three weeks old tomorrow and he an absolute sweetheart (when he does not scream, lol). We are very much in love and very happy we were blessed with a happy, healthy baby!

One day to go

2009-07-08T10:10:00.000-07:00

It came thus far. I will be checking into the hospital tonight to get the meds started and tomorrow at 7.30am is the official induction time. I would describe how I feel, but that would be mainly nervous. I am nervous about the pain, pushing, possible epidural, meeting the baby, the baby not being healthy, being exhausted, not being able to breast feed... I guess your typical the-day-before feelings. Wish us luck and a reasonably easy labor!

Latest belly pic

2009-05-26T16:53:00.001-07:00

Not much is new on our home front, aside of the fact that I am exhausted and increasingly abused from within. Oh, maybe that our induction date might be as early as July 2nd. Still hoping Adam will decide to make an early entrance, but if not, 6th is the most likely day per my OB. I was told today at work that I have visibly grown over the weekend. The fact that I have not put on any weight per my last dr. appointment is making me feel much better about it, mainly because it has to be the baby if it's not me, right? RIGHT! Anyway, here is me with my new belly. No hiding the pregnancy these days and finally I am looking my 7 and half month along!

Nursery pics

2009-05-23T12:08:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, we have finally finished the nursery! It's not the most spacious room in the house given that it is a walk-in closet in a little townhome, but hey, I love it. It's way more nursery-like than I ever imagined being able to fit in there. We are still waiting for the changing table and a little side table from the storage unit, but it's essentially done!

Getting closer

2009-05-07T15:48:00.000-07:00

Today marks the end of the thirtieth week of my pregnancy. And quite honestly, I am starting to feel it. I made good friends with heartburn (or what I assume to be heartburn - it does not feel good and goes away when I take Tums). When Adam kicks he really hurts me sometimes. And above all, the belly is getting heavy! And in short 9 weeks, there is going to be 3 of us in the family :)

We had our big baby shower, graciously hosted by Darina and didn't get almost anything we needed. Thankfully, Mike's coworkers have thrown him a surprise shower and gotten us most of what was missing. Yay! We are also half way done with the baby room (eg, it's not a closet anymore), have picked colors and are ready to start painting. I would love to share more, but I am so exhausted I really can't put a sentence together. I have not been feeling well the last 3 days and had a really bad heartburn last night at 1am (don't ask me), so I really can't wait to go to sleep tonight.

Long overdue

2009-04-25T08:32:00.000-07:00

Just a quick catch-up - Adam seems to be doing good. He is passing his ultrasounds with flying colors. Not so much mommy's blood pressure, which keeps going up. There is always some fun around here. OK, took a few belly pics, some of them are not entirely horrible. Please don't mind my mini-bruises from my lovenox shots.

Not quite as happy as I thought I would be

2009-02-28T06:50:00.001-08:00

So we had our ultrasound yesterday and let's just say it did not go the way I hoped it would. After I almost passed out (can't stay on my back too long) and after examining baby's blood flow, the nurse pretty much ran out of the room to get the actual perinatologist. He finished the exam with me holding myself propped on my elbows for the most time because I had no intentions of blacking out. And then he said the words that no one wants to hear: There was a finding on your baby. Apparently, our baby has a two vessel cord while a normal baby has three. The meaning of the diagnosis is following: It's a high marker for trisomy 18 (though our NT testing showed our risk on trisomy 18 to be at 1:24,000), about 20% of the babies with it will have serious issues and 50% of these will not make it to birth while majority of the survivors will not make it past day 15. The other 80% will be born healthy or with "minor" disabilities.

The good news on the other side is that our baby boy (!!!!!) looks perfectly healthy and that is definitely a good sign that he could be in the 80% category. The perinatologist would not go as far as saying he recommends amnio, but he said it is offered in these situations. So we believe he thinks our chances are pretty good. We wouldn't abort (it would probably kill me) and while it could lift a cloud, it could also make our life much harder. No amnio for us. We are having an echocardiogram in two weeks and if that comes back clear, we are all going to be much happier :) In the mean time we do what we did before - believe.

After a million of years... a new post

2009-02-27T04:07:00.001-08:00

I haven't been a good girl and writing regularly. I was way too busy with work and trying to study for CPA. But today I have a good reason - it's our big ultrasound! Time? T minus 8 :) Will be back, hopefully not to announce that the baby is shy!

Belly at 18 weeks

2009-02-15T06:45:00.001-08:00

Baby is Moving

2009-01-24T13:20:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I forgot to post about this. I guess it's my ever failing pregnancy brain. I have been feeling the baby move recently. It's very much on and off. Sometimes I feel the baby every day, sometimes every 2 days, before yesterday it took almost a week to feel it again. Alex seems to be more active at night, which is when I usually sleep, but sometimes when I return from my frequent trips to the bathroom I can feel those little butterflies. Yes, butterflies. It feels exactly like catching a butterfly in your hands and holding it there with its little wings fluttering against your palms. Only, of course, the feeling is in your stomach and while a butterfly submitted to this treatment is practically on a death row, we are sort of hoping Alex is going to make it through :) Very exciting, of course, but poor Mike is now attempting to feel the baby every day. Naturally, since I can't really feel the baby most of the time, the chances of him feeling it are rather slim.

And as a part of the preparation we went to babies'r'us today and got a baby bath and water proof crib mattress covers. Next paycheck it will be the boppy pillow (for breast feeding) and the washcloths. We also found out that instead of the expected tax refund in '000, we actually owe $33. Which sort of sucks because we were planning to get the baby furniture, iPhone for Mike and pay off one of the credit cards with the money. Turns out that Mike's employer was not deducting nearly enough to make up for our new and improved income. We are still getting enough from state to pay off some credit card debt and to buy a crib (the only piece of furniture we really need) so it's not quite the disaster, but we are disappointed anyway.

Not thinking

2009-01-21T12:06:00.001-08:00

I am a bit tired today so of course I forgot to add that we heart the heart beat yesterday meaning the baby is still happy and growing. So far so good!

Just Relax! The adoption story

2009-01-21T11:31:00.000-08:00

Once again me and an infertility rant. If you ever even mentioned adoption when dealing with your infertility, you have without a doubt encountered someone telling you that once you fill out the paperwork you will get pregnant. Sure it happens... in about the same 5% of couples who get pregnant after giving up infertility treatments. But the old wives tale says that in order to get that far you need to apply for adoption (eg relax) in order to get that holy grail of trying to conceive. First of all, let me repeat that relaxing has not been shown to have a significant influence on pregnancy rates.

Secondly, have you ever tried to adopt? The stress of trying to conceive is nothing compared to stress of adopting. The average ttc lady is asking just one question: (When, How) Will I get pregnant? The average adoptive family is plagued by many more issues. How the heck will we pull together 20 grand (average cost of adoption)? Will we pass the background check? Will we pass the home study? (When) Will an expectant mother like us? Will she change her mind? Will the bio father change his mind? Will we get the adoption through without a hitch? How are we going to be pay those 20 grand? Been there, done that, and let's just say that the stress levels are not going down. So much for relaxing (and getting pregnant).

Infertility

2009-01-19T05:31:00.000-08:00

Following a discussion at a party, I really want to post this. Infertility is a pretty common problem. 1 in 10 couples will experience it. It's a long and frustrating journey to say the least and does not always end with a happy end. Most people will not share this journey because they feel inadequate and generally just blame themselves. I am not really sure what they are ashamed of, obviously it's not something I can relate to. I get mostly pissed. Therefore, if you don't know a couple that had to wait years to conceive, there is a good possibility that a couple of your 30-something friends who seemingy don't want kids and enjoy their kids free style are having monthly breakdowns and spend fortune on both ovulation and pregnancy test. Maybe they have seen a doctor extensively and even undergone surgeries that you don't know about. And when they eventually conceive they don't advertise how long it took to get there, whether they miscarried on the way, or whether this is an IUI/IVF baby. They would all tell you that they were not ready for this. They were not told that making a baby can involve needles. On the contrary, they were told that having that one unprotected sex will for SURE end as an unwanted pregnancy.

There is no infertility class in the high school nor should there be. But people should talk about it. A girl that decides that she wants to wait till 35 for her first baby should have all the information including the fact that although she is perfectly healthy and all her relatives are having kids every year like clockwork, she might not be able to conceive at all and she might have to wait until 40, 45 to get a baby (which she might have to adopt, but that's a different story). No one will tell her that if there indeed is a problem, it will take forever to get diagnosed, forever to be treated and at 37, 38 (which is where we are realistically at this point) her chances on conceiving even with IVF are pretty low. People should talk about how frequent miscarriages really are (yup, some 30%, although the numbers range from 15-75% depending on source. But given a typical pregnancy with a typical miscarriage, we are looking at about the 30% - 3 out of 10 pregnant women will go through this).

Facing a miscarriage or infertility can be daunting. But if people knew it's out there, it would not come as such a shock. I was informed ahead of time. I knew it could happen. And I consider myself one of the better adjusted people at this. So talk about. Don't brush it off. Do yourself a favor and seriously consider it. Even if you had a pregnancy before and got pregnant really easily, there is still a chance that the next one will take 5 years. Hopefully it's just one of the things out there you will never have to experience yourself. But if you do you will be happy you did this mental exercise.

2009-01-14T15:56:00.001-08:00

Baby Registry - Check!

2009-01-04T05:39:00.000-08:00

We are pretty much done with our baby registry as of yesterday. Obviously, we will be switching things like clothing around slightly once we are sure of the gender (which is actually 90% girl, but that's a long story about internet research and things called "nubs"), but 99% of the stuff on the registry is ready to go. I realize that anyone who does not work with me might think that registering this early is a bit of an overreaction, but notice that I am a strong type A personality - a must for an accountant and that my busy season consisting of 60+ weekly hours (and here I am being optimistic) can easily take me to May. Obviously, hoping for it to calm down some time in March, but there are no guarantees. Another fact is that this many hours and pregnancy will probably not mix well and the last thing I need is running in babies'r'us for hours trying not to forget anything. This way we can finish registering in early May and have a shower mid-June and even our out-of-state friends and relatives will have plenty of time should they decide to contribute.

Now for the registry itself - I am hoping I put on enough for every budget (thinking about my dear colleagues, lol!) while putting enough cute baby items (as opposed to useful) on that even Erin can let it guide her ;) There are quite a few expensive things which I don't really expect anyone to buy, but at the same time it's sort of my organizer list and hopefully we can get the 10% off for most of them :) But I sure won't mind if people pool some money and get us that cosleeper, we will sure need that!

12 Week Ultrasound

2009-01-03T15:15:00.001-08:00

On Friday (yes, I am late posting) wen went for our nuchal translucency scan with some (yucky) blood work. Anyway, here is my beautiful baby, which looks a lot like a boy :) Our big ultrasound is scheduled for February 27 and then we will know for sure. Other than that baby has a strong heart beat which Mike heard for the first time. It really loves kicking momma, which was about the only movement we could get from the bean. Sweet. Can't wait until the room in there gets too small for the fluids to shield pieces of me. In case you are really interested in the results, the nasal bone was there and the fold was about 1.5 inches (so good). Blood work is not back yet.

Yuck!

2009-01-01T06:41:00.001-08:00

I thought given my weight and height I was not going to start showing until week 16 - 20. I GROSSLY overestimated. I started showing slightly around 10 weeks and today at 12 weeks... Well, look for yourself. I don't think I need to tell you which one is which one....

Better late than never

2009-01-01T06:07:00.000-08:00

So, parents are gone and I still have not posted my first baby purchase. Shame. Well, here it is, our new and fabulous travel system by Chicco, appropriately expensive but amazingly excellent at the same time. We LOVE it. Of course it comes with the highest ratings out of all travel systems and separate purchases except maybe bugaboo, but let's face it, bugaboo is a bit out of our financial limits. We have come across an unexpected hurdle, though. The nursery furniture that we have originally picked out is nice, but neither convertible into a toddler bed or with a dropside. After hours of additional research we are still where we started and I would not be surprised if we ended up going with the original furniture anyway. Given our space requirements, we will not fit a toddler room there anyway and hopefully by the time we get to that point, baby number 2 will be on its way or at least we will be working on it (eg another IVF). Which sort of reminds me, if you wanted to see what exactly the IVF entails on the shot front, here is my picture worth thousand words.... http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e388/zlatoluna/florida149.jpg Please note that this is only about one half of the shots that I have actually taken, not counting in the 10 weeks worth of blood thinners aka lovenox. But btw. WE ARE IN THE SECOND TRIMESTER!

First OB Visit

2008-12-18T14:02:00.000-08:00

Weeeel, we had our first OB visit today after being discharged from the reproductive endocrinologist who made baby Alex. Literally :) The visit itself was fairly boring aside of the fact that they will induce me a week ahead of my due date, so I will have a baby by July 9th. I also got some freebies (neither of which is a brand I intend to use, sorry).

The highlight of the visit was the technician who was taking care of me. She had absolutely NO CLUE about IVF. What? You did most of the blood tests already? What? You don't go by your last menstrual period? What? You already had three ultrasounds? Lol. She was so lost it was actually funny.

And we are 10 weeks today, woohoo! And the baby is starting to look more like a human and less like an alien, which is definitely a good development. I love my baby ticker :)

A Quick Update

2008-12-15T05:43:00.000-08:00

I am appropriately busy with my parents here and work seems to be picking up too, so not a lot of time to hang around my blog :) If I haven't written about my parents learning about their upcoming grandparent status, it went great and included a lot of hugs and tears and some yelling about the fact that I told them we did the IVF a month later, so although they were hoping to find out we were pregnant, they sure were not expecting we would be 9 weeks pregnant. But they were very happy and probably kind of glad the most dangerous period is behind us already anyway.

I also had another ultrasound last Friday at 9 weeks 1 day and it showed a growing baby. They also let us listen to the heart beat. The pics are really crappy, so I am not going to share those for once, basically show a bigger white blob that is really hard to tell apart from the rest of me. Good thing they put arrows around it or I would be lost too. But the ultrasound machine was great and not only did we get to see the heart beating away like crazy, but we also saw the armsies and legsies moving all over the place. The baby is sure getting some cardio in. Maybe that's why it was so tough to get a good picture :)

Changing

2008-12-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

It is kind of funny how a person changes when expecting. Well, I guess it depends on how long the person was trying to get pregnant to begin with and what kind of journey it took to get there. I am personally a very take charge and impatient person. And as you can imagine, after 17 or so miscarriages it is pretty hard to let one's hair down even if the pregnancy is going very smoothly. But I think I am doing great. For one thing - there is absolutely nothing that I can do to prevent a miscarriage. If it happens, I'll deal with it just like I dealt with the other miscarriages. But for right now, I need to wait it out, something, I am really not used to doing. Would be easier if those cramps went away, though.

On a brighter note, my parents will be arriving tomorrow. Can you say exciting? I have not seen my mom since before Christmas last year. And with the news, I am expecting their stay to be absolutely fabulous :)

2nd Ultrasound

2008-12-05T17:00:00.000-08:00

We have a second ultrasound behind us. Baby Alex (boy or girl) is measuring right on time at 8 weeks. The sack is measuring 4 days ahead. We have a heart beat of 163 beats per minute - perfect again. Unfortunately, as far as the picture is concerned, the baby is still just a white blob, albeit bigger than it was 2 weeks ago. We are very happy the progress. Next Friday we are seeing a perinatologist, though we are not entirely sure what exactly they will do for us. The Thursday after that we will have a first check-up by my OBGYN. Graduating from our IVF center!

Next Wednesday my parents will come to town and we will be sharing with them the night they land. Can't wait!

Morning Sickness, yay!

2008-12-04T05:45:00.000-08:00

I have not written for a while, mainly because there really wasn't anything to write about. I was sleeping good 12 hours a day and working for the rest of the time, which really did not make for interesting stories. Our Thanksgiving was good but short, we got totally rained out at a Redskins vs. Giants game, and there is way too much to clean around the house to make it ready for my parents arrival next week. No, they still don't know about their approaching grandparenthood. We have a little Christmas box with a bow and a sticker that says to: Grandma and Granpda (babi a deda) from Baby and we are putting an ultrasound picture inside. The ultrasound is tomorrow, so hoping everything is OK with our little bean.

What I know is that the morning sickness is kicking in these days. Well, it has been kicking in since week 4, but now it is REALLY kicking in. No, not losing any meals yet (thankfully), but even with all the ginger and ginger ale and who knows what else is out there, I am still pretty nauseous these days. Which I can usually handle at home, but working is becoming a huge pain in the behind. We just hit week 8 here and people are telling me that this is when the bad times start. Wish me luck :) Oh, and I thought that my alien baby would look a bit more human today, but nope, no such luck, it's still an alien baby.

Run In

2008-11-24T15:13:00.001-08:00

We were not going to tell our neighbors until 3rd month, just as prescribed by the Careful Parent Magazine. Except, of course, our other neighbors, who had Mike over for a cigar and while Mike continued to grill them on baby stuff, they started suspecting something... until of course Mike, as the proud father to be, blubbered all out. But he sworn them to secrecy and so far so good, no one else knew.

Until Saturday, when we, on our regular trip to babies'r'us, ran into another (very pregnant) couple living across the street from us. And not only were we caught "inflagranti" over the baby cribs, Mike proceeded to tell them where the item they were trying to locate was to be found and that we in fact do go to BRU on a somewhat regular basis. So they know too. The question now is to give up and tell all or hope and pray they won't run into Rick, our neighborhood gossip column?

Saw Heart Beat

2008-11-21T16:23:00.000-08:00

We have a heart beat! We went in today and we've seen the most beautiful dot of a baby ever. Yes, the white dot is the baby :) Sure, it does not look much like a baby yet (look at the ticker for more detail). But we are still very happy. So, so far so good. More to come - momma to be is tired today!

Not Fair

2008-11-20T04:08:00.000-08:00

You might or might not know that female pregnancy produces some pretty vivid dreams. In real life in translates into me dreaming about caves and things there that are trying to kill me. So I was pretty happy today to have a dream about a hot guy that was working at an Italian restaurant. I spent 3/4 of the dream admiring how hot he is, eventually get to the point where he is about to kiss me... and I wake up. So not fair. I deserved that kiss after those hours I spent running away from creepy killer things.

On the real life note we are pretty excited about the ultrasound tomorrow. I am seeing my hematologist today so that they can run a few tests on me make sure that my blood thinning goes the way it is supposed to (and I don't end up like my online friend Teri, who started hemorrhaging out of her nose while seeing her high risk OB). My nausea has not been kind either, after taking a break it came back with vengeance, but no full-fledged morning sickness yet. I'll keep you updated :)

The Funniest Thing

2008-11-18T13:31:00.000-08:00

As I already said, our baby's heart was supposed to start beating on Friday. Well, funnily enough, the ticker on your right (or possibly the other right) has a heart beat too! Unless, of course, you are reading this much later and the ticker on your right also has fingers and toes and all kind of other crap that it sure does not have right now, on November 18. Tomorrow the little handsies and legsies are supposed to start growing, so let's see what the virtual beanie looks like then. Though I am pretty sure that the slighly creepy alien look will stay with us for another 2 months, just about.

Are we down to 5%?

2008-11-17T06:45:00.000-08:00

On Friday we have passed an important development step. And when I say we, I mean the bean did. Either it had or had not developed a heart beat. If it had developed a heart beat, our chances on future miscarriage have fallen down to 5%. If it has not... well, in that case our chances on miscarriage are up to 100%. It's a bit depressing to know that something like that has taken a place and not to be able to check on it. For the sake of math, 10% of the pregnancies will not develop a heart beat, so one out of 10 pregnancies ends before this point. Depressing, isn't it.

Don't take it the wrong way, though. I am not sitting around trying to figure out the heart beat. Mainly I had a miserable night and I am half asleep as it is, so no depressing thoughts on my part. It's really hard to be depressed if you can barely lift up your head. On a lighter note, on Wednesday we should start forming arms and legs :) I'm off to pretend I am reading while I am taking a nap....

Last Beta Update

2008-11-13T13:12:00.000-08:00

So the nurse called the beta in at 1387, doubing time 43 hours, which is just on time, excellent number and we are off of additional bloodwork. Next stop is an ultrasound, probably on 11/21, hoping really bad to see the heart beat!

Back to waiting

2008-11-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

So after a day off I got to see the vampire again. At least it was a girl that I already know and that always does an excellent job, so I felt a bit better than with the lady two days ago. At the same time, I get nauseous when I get nervous these days, so it was quite fun. Oh, and I am officially off of the gatorade that helped me to stay OHSS free because now it makes me seriously sick. So sick that in fact I have taken to ride around with a plastic bag by my side just in case. Not that I am complaining.

To shorten the wait, I have emailed my brother and announced that he should become an uncle in the summer, but that I am not promissing anything yet at this point. After Mike told everyone and their mother, I feel like I deserve to do some announcing too. Hopefully it does not turn out I should have waiting for the test results.

Break Day

2008-11-12T07:47:00.001-08:00

So I got the results yesterday - 640, which means we are doubling in 49.5 hours. Anything below 72 is considered good, though being an overachiever, I'd like to see something closer to 35... ah, well. Of course now I worry that the baby is slowing down and all that crap. Good thing I have another beta tomorrow. If they tell me they are done after that one (which they will, unless it comes back crappy), I am probably going to chew off my fingernails before they get me to the ultrasound, which, gasp, is going to be at some point between weeks 6 and 7. Oh, the joys of (hopefully) impending motherhood.

Waiting

2008-11-11T07:03:00.000-08:00

So I am waiting for my second beta number to come in. For trying to conceive beginners and other blissfully ignorant, a beta is a blood test that measures the pregnancy hormone in female body and based on the numbers a viability of the pregnancy is established or an ectopic pregnancy can be diagnosed. Generally, anything over 5 is considered pregnant. However, the most important part is the doubling - the number should double in about 48 hours for it to indicate a healthy baby.

My first beta was last Wednesday and came back at 85 (e.g. definitely pregnant). My second beta was today (Tuesday, 11/11) and for everything to be fine it needs to be somewhere in the 700 range. The problem is that it is only 10 am and they usually don't call the results in until at least 2 pm but sometimes as late as 5pm, so I am having a looooong day today. Not really having any pregnancy symptoms now that I discovered ginger cookies I am getting pretty nervous.

The good news of the day is that I am switching from progesterone shots to progesterone inserts (well, you don't want to know more about that). Mainly, my behind is incredibly sore and my legg muscless are burning and tingling and generally not liking more sesame oil. So yay for the switch!

Oh and btw

2008-11-09T09:55:00.000-08:00

We are keeping this a semi-secret! Let's try to keep it from the 3 people who do not know yet! The official list of people who know and you might now is:

Work - Well, almost everyone, really, I did ask for some discretion, but it is still spreading like a wild fire.

Private life - Hanka, Vasik, Darca, Vendy, Anka and Steffi. Mike's family, very few neighbors, and that should be it.

We did it

2008-11-09T09:39:00.000-08:00

So, adoption turned out to be a no go for us. We don't have 6 grand sitting in the bank account waiting to be used as a downpayment on a baby. So we tried IVF. And it worked. It didn't look like it at first because my estrogen was not growing and no estrogen = crappy eggs, but about 50 injections later we had the first (and awesome, if I may say so) batch of eggs. They took out 17, 12 were mature, 9 fertilized and 6 made it to snow babies. And of course there is the one that is sitting inside of me and apparently growing, though it looks a bit like an alien at the moment (see pic on the right, lol).

The downside is that my behind can't take any more shots. It's so sore I am having issues walking today and I still have over 5 weeks to go. And the morning sickness is starting. So far the ginger cookies have been keeping it at bay but seems today that one cookie in the morning is no longer cutting it. I think I will have to increase the dosage. Yeah, I know I've been wanting to be sick for the last 3 years, but it would have been way nicer to be like my mom wondering what the heck is morning sickness. Sadly, I am not one of those lucky ... ladies.

First Steps

2008-07-15T10:51:00.000-07:00

The weekend before last my husband eventualy decided to call his dad. Sure, millions of us call our dads every week and there is nothing too special about it, but my husband has not seen his dad since he was a kid and has not talked to him for the last eight years. My mother in law has gotten divorced with the sole custody of the children when they were around 4 years old and that is pretty much where the contact to the father ended. We do not know whether it was his or her wishes, but as a result the family has been divided ever since with only isolated contacts here and there, usually years apart.

My husband was always very angry with his father to have disappeared out of his life and refused to talk to him. Over the years of our relationship, I have tried to get him to call, email, or otherwise contact his dad. I have even saved his address from a card we got for our wedding. But could never get him there. So I was somewhat surprised to hear Mike say that he feels like calling his dad. And then he really called. They talked for more than two hours and we have gotten a thank-you card from Herbert himself as well as his wife Wanda.

This past weekend Mike talked to Wanda for a good 30 minutes and yesterday with his father for at least another hour. They exchanged hptt's of their respective online pictures so that each can see where the other one lives (we live on the opposite coasts). They have talked about families and my husband discovered he has at least one living aunt and possibly quite a few cousins. All in all it is looking good. Just hoping the trend keeps. Life is too short not to take the opportunity to meet the person who happens to be your father.

Quick Medical Update

2008-07-11T08:44:00.000-07:00

New test results just came in and indicate that I have a ureaplasma infection, which has been known (or not) to lead to miscarriages. I have a strong feeling that this is what it is given that my pregnancy tests were darker when I was on a combination of herbs/vits that are known to help fight the infection, though I was taking them for a cold/flu. It just all makes sense. It took this long to diagnose because the infection is asymptomatic and estimated 50% of the population have it. For most people, it just sits there, but certain strains attach to certain parts in certain people and then cause problems. For example, if it sits in the uterus, there will be miscarriages. But because it is harmless for most people, they don't necessarily test for it or connect it to miscarriages or infertility (that's if the infection sits in the cervix).

We have also fixed our health insurance problems and I am good to go. I will have a fun HSG (hysterosalphinogram - yummy!), blood draw (for STDs - yes, my doctor requires it before they treat me) and a consult with my hematologist to see which of the fertility drugs I can use and under what circumstances. I will have an appointment with dr. Khan (the guy who is responsible for us to get pregnant and whose title is reproductive endocrinologist) a week after that to set up the plan for the following cycle. Which should really be IUI (keep the eggies in, take the best sperm and shoot it as close to the eggies as possible) with clomid (to make the eggies grow) and a trigger (to make the eggie leave the comfy pouch in my ovary). So basically it is like having a controlled and somewhat uncomfortable sex. Minus the good parts of course.

Slow dancining Anyone?

2008-07-01T05:11:00.000-07:00

I remember being fourteen and listening to techno. I also remember my dad complaining about the music and predicting that it will be gone in ten years. Ten (well, more like fourteen, actually) years later techno is still here and just about as popular as it always was, but the one thing I have not heard for a while is a really good slow song. Growing up, there was always Brian Adams' "Please, forgive me," Haddaway's "Miss You", Aerosmith's "Always" or "Crazy," and a ton more. And recently it seems that the only slow song is Rihanna's "Take a Bow." And yes, there is a lot of slow-er songs in the rock, independence, or R&B categories, but no real slow song. And with no slow song, there is no slow dancing either.

Slow dancing pretty much shaped my teenage years. Essentially, my whole life at that point revolved around who I was going (or more often not going) to slow dance with at the weekly parties. There were dreams about being asked to slow dance with a particular love of mine. There was real slow dancing with other guys that evolved (or not) into something else. And yet it has been years since I have heard a good slow song in a club and it has been years since I slow danced last. I have not even slow danced with my husband. True, that might be a blessing since he has no sense of rhytm and he refuses to simply follow, but nevertheless. Maybe I am just not listening to the right radio stations and going to the right clubs. But I remember that when I was young the slow songs regularly made the top 20. Is it that the people are different? Is it that the tastes have changed so much in those few years? Have the romantic girls died out? And is the current generation missing out on something important? The truth be told it almost makes me happy to be as old as I am. I am glad I did not miss out on it.

Our newest cat TV

2008-06-30T05:20:00.000-07:00

We discovered yesterday that they have opened the new pet store that has been under construction for the last two years. And although we are just fine on our pet supplies right now, we decided to go in and check the place out. Sadly, dear husband has just gotten paid on Friday, so he was in one of his spending modes. First he came to a complete stop over some rodents before wisely deciding that an animal that is known to bite is probably not the best pet for a family trying to get pregnant. Then he proceded to the back of the store where they have all the fish tanks and started lovingly petting the huge aquarium boxes asking to get an aquarium. Thankfully, each of those boxes is around 300-400 and that was too much even for him. Then he moved over to the smaller tanks for about $100 each but without a stand or anything else. I have explained the additional cost and the plan for a new aquarium was (thankfully) abandoned.

Actually, we had a fish tank a few years ago, although it has been my idea at that point. We even had some fish surviving the whole year we had that thing. True, they were a bit sick at points, but many have actually made it through the final stretch. We had a minor flood when our old cat managed to move the filter output outside of the fish tank (while the intake was still in). We also got a snail plague when we decided we wanted a real plant in the tank. Not the least we had at least 5 batches of baby fish even though we were ensured the fish we got were all male, neither of which lived past a week since we did not expect this and had no means of saving them. In short, it was a ton of fun. Eventually, we have given the whole thing to a friend of ours for another friend of hers and that was the last we have ever heard of the fish.

It would not be my husband if he didn't get something, though. So after scouring neighborhood stores for the right ball (ended up buying a tall cylinder vase at Wegmans) he has gotten himself a beta. And a plant. He played with the thing for the rest of the afternoon and after (for change) flooding half of the kitchen he was done. The beta was a bit confused why his new home goes 30 inches up but only 4 to the side, but I guess he felt better than in his plastic container. So far, the fish tank looks very pretty and the beta seems to be enjoying himself (as far as you can tell with a beta). The question is what will happen when the water needs to be changes and the fish fed regularly... In the mean time, both cats are sitting next to the vase watching the fish swim up and down. Occassionally they will bat the glas a few times (or for half an hour). Worst comes to worst, at least it is a bit more expensive cat toy.

Must Be Crazy

2008-06-30T05:09:00.001-07:00

After the huge success of the last two months and getting positive pregnancy tests even before I ovulate, I reevaluated my medical condition and decided I needed some more medical testing in the area of hormones and them being crazy and making me crazy and so on. So on we go back to my first reproductive endocrinologist. The problem? They don't test for hormones regularly other than the basic test that I had probably seven times by now and which suggests no problems whatsoever. The only way they test again is if one is being treated, so for example with IUI (intrauterin insemination, kind of like sex without the actual sex part, but with a stick going down where a stick was not supposed to go and definitely no orgasm) or IVF (definitely noting like sex). So yes, we are getting a real fertility treatment! (hopefully)

Now the fun part is that, of course, you are not allowed to do fertility treatment with a blood clotting disorder, which I do happen to have. The rule of the thumb is that with each homon shot (why can't they come in little pills?) you get another shot of blood thinners. Not sure they will even allow me to do estrogen at all, which does happen to be an important part of many treatments. So in addition to seeing my dear RE (see above), I will also have to see my equally dear hematologist and get an OK from her with a dosage of shots that I will need to be taking with the treatment. Very exciting.

So now you are going to get pregnant, right?

2008-06-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

I am not entirely sure what IQ was the person to first figure out that you get pregnant easier after adopting, but it must have been really low. Nevertheless, the theory says that because the lady in question can finally "relax, " she gets pregnant as soon as she does the deed (or a month later). Now, I can understand that sometimes a baby in the house is just the right push to allign female hormones to whatever it is to make them more fertile, which has been an occurence well documented by several studies and includes not only adopting but also living in a house with a girl and her baby or just having a good friend with a baby. But I would seriously like to see a person who finally relaxes the second filling in the adoption application.

For one thing, adopting involves large sums of money and I for one do not have $20K in my matress. Heck, even the 3K for the homestudy will be a serious group effort. So stress #1 - how to put the money together to be able to adopt in this century. Then the home study comes as stress #2 as you have a strange person poke through your personal life. Then you are eventually done and on to stress #3 while waiting for a birth mom to realize what a great parent you would make. Of course, there is no way of knowing how long that will take or what kind of mom will like you to begin with. Once the B-mom actually picks you (and now you might well be into 5 years of your quest for a baby), you start to worry that she will change her mind, otherwise known as stress #4. Then the baby is home and stress #5 starts with the usual feeding/diaper/sleep routine while trying to figure out this new member of your family (which, I am told, is a pretty normal stress for a new parent).

So, anyone, when exactly is it that I am supposed to relax? (Ok, the answer is that the 5% that get pregnant correlate with the 5% that get pregnant after quitting trying to conceive and that therefore is very much explainable by pure chance or nature of their issues, but let's pretend that I don't know).

When Things go down...

2008-06-12T13:49:00.000-07:00

Seriously, when things go down, they go down all at once. We had a $700 (yes, seven hundred) payment to our vet for routine check and vaccination of our dog and one of our cats. Then we find out that the breaks of my Corolla are fried. To that our home study payment is approaching quickly and my credit line was cut in half because of the student loans payments kicking in in July.

So, right now I have absolutely no idea how I will pay for the home study. I was hoping to start in a month or two, but there is no way I can save enough to get there. I guess it will take a bit longer than I anticipated, but we really need to start moving on that if we want to get any of the government incentives, which phase out way too close to our current income level. How can we make this much money and yet be always broke?

Too Early to Adopt - Heart Drama

2008-06-10T07:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my husband drops me off at work. Fifteen minutes later I get a call from him asking which insurance we have. I tell him mine, and why, please, is he asking. So he tells me he is having some heart palpitations and his hands are tingling. I ask him to go straight to the hospital, where he checks OK (while I am having heart attacks at the office not knowing what the heck is going on). Anyway, I get home and my dear husband tells me that according to his mom, the reason for this is the adoption stress. Now I am lost, because "outsourcing" the babymaking might have been something I'd rather not do, but given our situation it has elevated a lot of (medical) stress from me. However, husband is not happy. He thinks that even though he would welcome his own baby, the right time to adopt is just before turning 40.

Sadly, his wife sees it a bit differently. Eventually, it was me enduring all the poking and proding of endless blood tests (yes, taking 13 huge vials or having more than 1 blood test each week is included), ultrasounds, even having liquids pumped into me to get a better look. I was the one getting pregnant month after month and seeing the tests turn back negative those same months. Eventually, who had to learn to give themselves shots and has woken up every morning for 2 weeks for 4 months to a new shot and some pretty nasty bruises? I am really sorry but I can't wait for a baby until I am 40, not after all I have been through in the last two years, all the hopes destroyed soon after they emerged, all the things that I did for nothing (I am mortally afraid of doctors and needles, so this was not an easy trip for me). I don't mind waiting those two years to adopt. I don't mind never having my own child. But I do mind waiting 12 years...

Just Relax!

2008-06-06T11:52:00.000-07:00

We have been trying for a baby for a year and half and it has become a hobby of mine. I think it's fun to test for whatever it is you test at various stages of your cycle. I was amazed how much about my body I figured out by taking my temperature every morning. But I was always fine about, whether we were or were not pregnant.

But then everyone started saying that I needed to relax. I would answer:"What do you mean, relax? I am not really stressing over it?" And they would say back: "Yes, you are, otherwise you would not be doing all those things." Ummm. I don't know, but if you want to watch TV, you need to go out and buy the TV first, right? So I was happily getting ready WHILE not stressing over anything, because I was perfectly fine with waiting and additional month or two, knowing well that it does not always happen immediately.

Then we found out something is not going right. We saw too many doctors and tried too many meds. We did shots (not the fertility kind, those are out of question for me, just the blood thinning shots so that I was able to keep the baby if I was pregnant). We did multivitamins and supplements. And we kept having people saying that we needed to relax.

Somewhere around month 15, I was brainwashed. I was trying to relax so hard, that I was stressing myself. Not over the *%&^ baby making, but over relaxing! So seriously, next time you tell me to relax, that baby (and I will get pregnant!) goes on your account. You people made me paranoid!

(Btw, we had more than 1 miscarriage while not trying and occasionally on vacation too, so the relaxing thing is probably not going to help anyway)

The First Black President

2008-06-04T11:14:00.000-07:00

Now that Obama has secured himself a spot in the election, he is celebrated as a hero for African Americans. He was the one to open the path to the oval office, wasn't he. But no, he was not. In fact, he came long after this battle has been already fought and he is reaping the rewards of the win. So, who was the person to get the credit? The one who cast the first black guy as an American president in a major movie picture (as long as the guy was not Chris Rock).

You see, people are like that. When they saw the movie they probably laughed about it and dismissed it as a fantasy. But there were a couple of eleven years olds in the back who did not even think about it. They were brainwashed in school with the civil right movement (not that it is a bad thing and not that I do not support it, but let's be honest with our facts) so seeing a black president did not appear to be out of place. And then there was a second movie, third movie... and nowadays a lot of movies feature an African American as the president of the nation. And guess what? Now the eleven year olds are twenty five or thirty and ready to vote. They do not necessarily see a black guy standing on the platform; they see a great speaker and a politician with a plan and that is who they are going to vote for.

Just for the record - I absolutely endorse Obama for president. He is much closer to my point of view than McCain will ever be. It's just that if we are voting on civil rights achievments, I would have to go with Chris.