Our newest cat TV

We discovered yesterday that they have opened the new pet store that has been under construction for the last two years. And although we are just fine on our pet supplies right now, we decided to go in and check the place out. Sadly, dear husband has just gotten paid on Friday, so he was in one of his spending modes. First he came to a complete stop over some rodents before wisely deciding that an animal that is known to bite is probably not the best pet for a family trying to get pregnant. Then he proceded to the back of the store where they have all the fish tanks and started lovingly petting the huge aquarium boxes asking to get an aquarium. Thankfully, each of those boxes is around 300-400 and that was too much even for him. Then he moved over to the smaller tanks for about $100 each but without a stand or anything else. I have explained the additional cost and the plan for a new aquarium was (thankfully) abandoned.

Actually, we had a fish tank a few years ago, although it has been my idea at that point. We even had some fish surviving the whole year we had that thing. True, they were a bit sick at points, but many have actually made it through the final stretch. We had a minor flood when our old cat managed to move the filter output outside of the fish tank (while the intake was still in). We also got a snail plague when we decided we wanted a real plant in the tank. Not the least we had at least 5 batches of baby fish even though we were ensured the fish we got were all male, neither of which lived past a week since we did not expect this and had no means of saving them. In short, it was a ton of fun. Eventually, we have given the whole thing to a friend of ours for another friend of hers and that was the last we have ever heard of the fish.

It would not be my husband if he didn't get something, though. So after scouring neighborhood stores for the right ball (ended up buying a tall cylinder vase at Wegmans) he has gotten himself a beta. And a plant. He played with the thing for the rest of the afternoon and after (for change) flooding half of the kitchen he was done. The beta was a bit confused why his new home goes 30 inches up but only 4 to the side, but I guess he felt better than in his plastic container. So far, the fish tank looks very pretty and the beta seems to be enjoying himself (as far as you can tell with a beta). The question is what will happen when the water needs to be changes and the fish fed regularly... In the mean time, both cats are sitting next to the vase watching the fish swim up and down. Occassionally they will bat the glas a few times (or for half an hour). Worst comes to worst, at least it is a bit more expensive cat toy.

Must Be Crazy

After the huge success of the last two months and getting positive pregnancy tests even before I ovulate, I reevaluated my medical condition and decided I needed some more medical testing in the area of hormones and them being crazy and making me crazy and so on. So on we go back to my first reproductive endocrinologist. The problem? They don't test for hormones regularly other than the basic test that I had probably seven times by now and which suggests no problems whatsoever. The only way they test again is if one is being treated, so for example with IUI (intrauterin insemination, kind of like sex without the actual sex part, but with a stick going down where a stick was not supposed to go and definitely no orgasm) or IVF (definitely noting like sex). So yes, we are getting a real fertility treatment! (hopefully)

Now the fun part is that, of course, you are not allowed to do fertility treatment with a blood clotting disorder, which I do happen to have. The rule of the thumb is that with each homon shot (why can't they come in little pills?) you get another shot of blood thinners. Not sure they will even allow me to do estrogen at all, which does happen to be an important part of many treatments. So in addition to seeing my dear RE (see above), I will also have to see my equally dear hematologist and get an OK from her with a dosage of shots that I will need to be taking with the treatment. Very exciting.

So now you are going to get pregnant, right?

I am not entirely sure what IQ was the person to first figure out that you get pregnant easier after adopting, but it must have been really low. Nevertheless, the theory says that because the lady in question can finally "relax, " she gets pregnant as soon as she does the deed (or a month later). Now, I can understand that sometimes a baby in the house is just the right push to allign female hormones to whatever it is to make them more fertile, which has been an occurence well documented by several studies and includes not only adopting but also living in a house with a girl and her baby or just having a good friend with a baby. But I would seriously like to see a person who finally relaxes the second filling in the adoption application.

For one thing, adopting involves large sums of money and I for one do not have $20K in my matress. Heck, even the 3K for the homestudy will be a serious group effort. So stress #1 - how to put the money together to be able to adopt in this century. Then the home study comes as stress #2 as you have a strange person poke through your personal life. Then you are eventually done and on to stress #3 while waiting for a birth mom to realize what a great parent you would make. Of course, there is no way of knowing how long that will take or what kind of mom will like you to begin with. Once the B-mom actually picks you (and now you might well be into 5 years of your quest for a baby), you start to worry that she will change her mind, otherwise known as stress #4. Then the baby is home and stress #5 starts with the usual feeding/diaper/sleep routine while trying to figure out this new member of your family (which, I am told, is a pretty normal stress for a new parent).

So, anyone, when exactly is it that I am supposed to relax? (Ok, the answer is that the 5% that get pregnant correlate with the 5% that get pregnant after quitting trying to conceive and that therefore is very much explainable by pure chance or nature of their issues, but let's pretend that I don't know).

When Things go down...

Seriously, when things go down, they go down all at once. We had a $700 (yes, seven hundred) payment to our vet for routine check and vaccination of our dog and one of our cats. Then we find out that the breaks of my Corolla are fried. To that our home study payment is approaching quickly and my credit line was cut in half because of the student loans payments kicking in in July.

So, right now I have absolutely no idea how I will pay for the home study. I was hoping to start in a month or two, but there is no way I can save enough to get there. I guess it will take a bit longer than I anticipated, but we really need to start moving on that if we want to get any of the government incentives, which phase out way too close to our current income level. How can we make this much money and yet be always broke?

Too Early to Adopt - Heart Drama

Yesterday my husband drops me off at work. Fifteen minutes later I get a call from him asking which insurance we have. I tell him mine, and why, please, is he asking. So he tells me he is having some heart palpitations and his hands are tingling. I ask him to go straight to the hospital, where he checks OK (while I am having heart attacks at the office not knowing what the heck is going on). Anyway, I get home and my dear husband tells me that according to his mom, the reason for this is the adoption stress. Now I am lost, because "outsourcing" the babymaking might have been something I'd rather not do, but given our situation it has elevated a lot of (medical) stress from me. However, husband is not happy. He thinks that even though he would welcome his own baby, the right time to adopt is just before turning 40.

Sadly, his wife sees it a bit differently. Eventually, it was me enduring all the poking and proding of endless blood tests (yes, taking 13 huge vials or having more than 1 blood test each week is included), ultrasounds, even having liquids pumped into me to get a better look. I was the one getting pregnant month after month and seeing the tests turn back negative those same months. Eventually, who had to learn to give themselves shots and has woken up every morning for 2 weeks for 4 months to a new shot and some pretty nasty bruises? I am really sorry but I can't wait for a baby until I am 40, not after all I have been through in the last two years, all the hopes destroyed soon after they emerged, all the things that I did for nothing (I am mortally afraid of doctors and needles, so this was not an easy trip for me). I don't mind waiting those two years to adopt. I don't mind never having my own child. But I do mind waiting 12 years...

Just Relax!

We have been trying for a baby for a year and half and it has become a hobby of mine. I think it's fun to test for whatever it is you test at various stages of your cycle. I was amazed how much about my body I figured out by taking my temperature every morning. But I was always fine about, whether we were or were not pregnant.

But then everyone started saying that I needed to relax. I would answer:"What do you mean, relax? I am not really stressing over it?" And they would say back: "Yes, you are, otherwise you would not be doing all those things." Ummm. I don't know, but if you want to watch TV, you need to go out and buy the TV first, right? So I was happily getting ready WHILE not stressing over anything, because I was perfectly fine with waiting and additional month or two, knowing well that it does not always happen immediately.

Then we found out something is not going right. We saw too many doctors and tried too many meds. We did shots (not the fertility kind, those are out of question for me, just the blood thinning shots so that I was able to keep the baby if I was pregnant). We did multivitamins and supplements. And we kept having people saying that we needed to relax.

Somewhere around month 15, I was brainwashed. I was trying to relax so hard, that I was stressing myself. Not over the *%&^ baby making, but over relaxing! So seriously, next time you tell me to relax, that baby (and I will get pregnant!) goes on your account. You people made me paranoid!

(Btw, we had more than 1 miscarriage while not trying and occasionally on vacation too, so the relaxing thing is probably not going to help anyway)

The First Black President

Now that Obama has secured himself a spot in the election, he is celebrated as a hero for African Americans. He was the one to open the path to the oval office, wasn't he. But no, he was not. In fact, he came long after this battle has been already fought and he is reaping the rewards of the win. So, who was the person to get the credit? The one who cast the first black guy as an American president in a major movie picture (as long as the guy was not Chris Rock).

You see, people are like that. When they saw the movie they probably laughed about it and dismissed it as a fantasy. But there were a couple of eleven years olds in the back who did not even think about it. They were brainwashed in school with the civil right movement (not that it is a bad thing and not that I do not support it, but let's be honest with our facts) so seeing a black president did not appear to be out of place. And then there was a second movie, third movie... and nowadays a lot of movies feature an African American as the president of the nation. And guess what? Now the eleven year olds are twenty five or thirty and ready to vote. They do not necessarily see a black guy standing on the platform; they see a great speaker and a politician with a plan and that is who they are going to vote for.

Just for the record - I absolutely endorse Obama for president. He is much closer to my point of view than McCain will ever be. It's just that if we are voting on civil rights achievments, I would have to go with Chris.