Have my Life Back :)

I know I haven't posted forever. For one thing, no one really reads this. But above all, first we were struggling with Adam's sleepiness and inability to feed (he kept falling asleep). Consequently, his bilirubin was growing very, very fast and he had to be hospitalized and spend a day under the bili lights. Thankfully this resolved itself once my milk came in. And then we had colic.

Well, you might know that colic is actually not a diagnosis, just a word for "there is something wrong with your baby and we don't really know what." It turns out that what is wrong with our baby is a severe lactose intolerance. First I cut out all the milk and milk products such as cheese, yoghurts and creme. No change. So I had to start reading the labels for hidden milk. No change. As a last try I got a list of things that have a relation to milk, which led to a temporary improvement and then a horrible blow out of symptoms. We have been on a special formula ever since and boy, I have an angel baby now! No more screaming in pain, no more holding when he is sleeping and way more sleep for momma. Which is why I came to be writing now - Adam is happily swinging in his swing fast asleep and if today is like the last two days, he will be sleeping till 1pm. Glorious :)

As far as I am concerned, I am feeling a bit down because of the whole breastfeeding thing. I had a very hard time getting used to it, hurt quite a lot and took forever to get the milk in. I had several infections, several days of fever as my supply was adjusting and pumping to build a supply for when I go back to work has been a challenge because it turns out I don't pump well at all. However, I built a stash of 350 oz to date, got to the point where my supply regulated and yet Adam will be a formula baby. I don't think that anyone who has not experienced this can understand how frustrating this really is. I was for sure not attached to breastfeeding, but the idea of Adam not getting the very best is breaking my heart. But I've got to do what's best for him. Aaah, the joys of parenthood.

Adam Radley is here!

Adam Radley has arrived on 7/9/09 at 10.21 pm. He was 21 inches long and 7 pounds 5 oz. He will be three weeks old tomorrow and he an absolute sweetheart (when he does not scream, lol). We are very much in love and very happy we were blessed with a happy, healthy baby!

One day to go

It came thus far. I will be checking into the hospital tonight to get the meds started and tomorrow at 7.30am is the official induction time. I would describe how I feel, but that would be mainly nervous. I am nervous about the pain, pushing, possible epidural, meeting the baby, the baby not being healthy, being exhausted, not being able to breast feed... I guess your typical the-day-before feelings. Wish us luck and a reasonably easy labor! 

Latest belly pic

Not much is new on our home front, aside of the fact that I am exhausted and increasingly abused from within. Oh, maybe that our induction date might be as early as July 2nd. Still hoping Adam will decide to make an early entrance, but if not, 6th is the most likely day per my OB. I was told today at work that I have visibly grown over the weekend. The fact that I have not put on any weight per my last dr. appointment is making me feel much better about it, mainly because it has to be the baby if it's not me, right? RIGHT! Anyway, here is me with my new belly. No hiding the pregnancy these days and finally I am looking my 7 and half month along!

Nursery pics

Last weekend, we have finally finished the nursery! It's not the most spacious room in the house given that it is a walk-in closet in a little townhome, but hey, I love it. It's way more nursery-like than I ever imagined being able to fit in there. We are still waiting for the changing table and a little side table from the storage unit, but it's essentially done!

Getting closer

Today marks the end of the thirtieth week of my pregnancy. And quite honestly, I am starting to feel it. I made good friends with heartburn (or what I assume to be heartburn - it does not feel good and goes away when I take Tums). When Adam kicks he really hurts me sometimes. And above all, the belly is getting heavy!  And in short 9 weeks, there is going to be 3 of us in the family :) 

We had our big baby shower, graciously hosted by Darina and didn't get almost anything we needed. Thankfully, Mike's coworkers have thrown him a surprise shower and gotten us most of what was missing. Yay! We are also half way done with the baby room (eg, it's not a closet anymore), have picked colors and are ready to start painting. I would love to share more, but I am so exhausted I really can't put a sentence together. I have not been feeling well the last 3 days and  had a really bad heartburn last night at 1am (don't ask me), so I really can't wait to go to sleep tonight. 

Long overdue

Just a quick catch-up - Adam seems to be doing good. He is passing his ultrasounds with flying colors. Not so much mommy's blood pressure, which keeps going up. There is always some fun around here. OK, took a few belly pics, some of them are not entirely horrible. Please don't mind my mini-bruises from my lovenox shots.

Not quite as happy as I thought I would be

So we had our ultrasound yesterday and let's just say it did not go the way I hoped it would. After I almost passed out (can't stay on my back too long) and after examining baby's blood flow, the nurse pretty much ran out of the room to get the actual perinatologist. He finished the exam with me holding myself propped on my elbows for the most time because I had no intentions of blacking out. And then he said the words that no one wants to hear: There was a finding on your baby. Apparently, our baby has a two vessel cord while a normal baby has three. The meaning of the diagnosis is following: It's a high marker for trisomy 18 (though our NT testing showed our risk on trisomy 18 to be at 1:24,000), about 20% of the babies with it will have serious issues and 50% of these will not make it to birth while majority of the survivors will not make it past day 15. The other 80% will be born healthy or with "minor" disabilities.

The good news on the other side is that our baby boy (!!!!!) looks perfectly healthy and that is definitely a good sign that he could be in the 80% category. The perinatologist would not go as far as saying he recommends amnio, but he said it is offered in these situations. So we believe he thinks our chances are pretty good. We wouldn't abort (it would probably kill me) and while it could lift a cloud, it could also make our life much harder. No amnio for us. We are having an echocardiogram in two weeks and if that comes back clear, we are all going to be much happier :) In the mean time we do what we did before - believe.  

After a million of years... a new post

I haven't been a good girl and writing regularly. I was way too busy with work and trying to study for CPA. But today I have a good reason - it's our big ultrasound! Time? T minus 8 :) Will be back, hopefully not to announce that the baby is shy!

Belly at 18 weeks

Baby is Moving

I can't believe I forgot to post about this. I guess it's my ever failing pregnancy brain. I have been feeling the baby move recently. It's very much on and off. Sometimes I feel the baby every day, sometimes every 2 days, before yesterday it took almost a week to feel it again. Alex seems to be more active at night, which is when I usually sleep, but sometimes when I return from my frequent trips to the bathroom I can feel those little butterflies. Yes, butterflies. It feels exactly like catching a butterfly in your hands and holding it there with its little wings fluttering against your palms. Only, of course, the feeling is in your stomach and while a butterfly submitted to this treatment is practically on a death row, we are sort of hoping Alex is going to make it through :) Very exciting, of course, but poor Mike is now attempting to feel the baby every day. Naturally, since I can't really feel the baby most of the time, the chances of him feeling it are rather slim. 

And as a part of the preparation we went to babies'r'us today and got a baby bath and water proof crib mattress covers. Next paycheck it will be the boppy pillow (for breast feeding) and the washcloths. We also found out that instead of the expected tax refund in '000, we actually owe $33. Which sort of sucks because we were planning to get the baby furniture, iPhone for Mike and pay off one of the credit cards with the money. Turns out that Mike's employer was not deducting nearly enough to make up for our new and improved income. We are still getting enough from state to pay off some credit card debt and to buy a crib (the only piece of furniture we really need) so it's not quite the disaster, but we are disappointed anyway.

Not thinking

I am a bit tired today so of course I forgot to add that we heart the heart beat yesterday meaning the baby is still happy and growing. So far so good!

Just Relax! The adoption story

Once again me and an infertility rant. If you ever even mentioned adoption when dealing with your infertility, you have without a doubt encountered someone telling you that once you fill out the paperwork you will get pregnant. Sure it happens... in about the same 5% of couples who get pregnant after giving up infertility treatments. But the old wives tale says that in order to get that far you need to apply for adoption (eg relax) in order to get that holy grail of trying to conceive. First of all, let me repeat that relaxing has not been shown to have a significant influence on pregnancy rates.

Secondly, have you ever tried to adopt? The stress of trying to conceive is nothing compared to stress of adopting. The average ttc lady is asking just one question: (When, How) Will I get pregnant? The average adoptive family is plagued by many more issues. How the heck will we pull together 20 grand (average cost of adoption)? Will we pass the background check? Will we pass the home study? (When) Will an expectant mother like us? Will she change her mind? Will the bio father change his mind? Will we get the adoption through without a hitch? How are we going to be pay those 20 grand? Been there, done that, and let's just say that the stress levels are not going down. So much for relaxing (and getting pregnant).

Infertility

Following a discussion at a party, I really want to post this. Infertility is a pretty common problem. 1 in 10 couples will experience it. It's a long and frustrating journey to say the least and does not always end with a happy end. Most people will not share this journey because they feel inadequate and generally just blame themselves. I am not really sure what they are ashamed of, obviously it's not something I can relate to. I get mostly pissed. Therefore, if you don't know a couple that had to wait years to conceive, there is a good possibility that a couple of your 30-something friends who seemingy don't want kids and enjoy their kids free style are having monthly breakdowns and spend fortune on both ovulation and pregnancy test. Maybe they have seen a doctor extensively and even undergone surgeries that you don't know about. And when they eventually conceive they don't advertise how long it took to get there, whether they miscarried on the way, or whether this is an IUI/IVF baby. They would all tell you that they were not ready for this. They were not told that making a baby can involve needles. On the contrary, they were told that having that one unprotected sex will for SURE end as an unwanted pregnancy.

There is no infertility class in the high school nor should there be. But people should talk about it. A girl that decides that she wants to wait till 35 for her first baby should have all the information including the fact that although she is perfectly healthy and all her relatives are having kids every year like clockwork, she might not be able to conceive at all and she might have to wait until 40, 45 to get a baby (which she might have to adopt, but that's a different story). No one will tell her that if there indeed is a problem, it will take forever to get diagnosed, forever to be treated and at 37, 38 (which is where we are realistically at this point) her chances on conceiving even with IVF are pretty low. People should talk about how frequent miscarriages really are (yup, some 30%, although the numbers range from 15-75% depending on source. But given a typical pregnancy with a typical miscarriage, we are looking at about the 30% - 3 out of 10 pregnant women will go through this).

Facing a miscarriage or infertility can be daunting. But if people knew it's out there, it would not come as such a shock. I was informed ahead of time. I knew it could happen. And I consider myself one of the better adjusted people at this. So talk about. Don't brush it off. Do yourself a favor and seriously consider it. Even if you had a pregnancy before and got pregnant really easily, there is still a chance that the next one will take 5 years. Hopefully it's just one of the things out there you will never have to experience yourself. But if you do you will be happy you did this mental exercise.

Baby Registry - Check!

We are pretty much done with our baby registry as of yesterday. Obviously, we will be switching things like clothing around slightly once we are sure of the gender (which is actually 90% girl, but that's a long story about internet research and things called "nubs"), but 99% of the stuff on the registry is ready to go. I realize that anyone who does not work with me might think that registering this early is a bit of an overreaction, but notice that I am a strong type A personality - a must for an accountant and that my busy season consisting of 60+ weekly hours (and here I am being optimistic) can easily take me to May. Obviously, hoping for it to calm down some time in March, but there are no guarantees. Another fact is that this many hours and pregnancy will probably not mix well and the last thing I need is running in babies'r'us for hours trying not to forget anything. This way we can finish registering in early May and have a shower mid-June and even our out-of-state friends and relatives will have plenty of time should they decide to contribute. 

Now for the registry itself - I am hoping I put on enough for every budget (thinking about my dear colleagues, lol!) while putting enough cute baby items (as opposed to useful) on that even Erin can let it guide her ;) There are quite a few expensive things which I don't really expect anyone to buy, but at the same time it's sort of my organizer list and hopefully we can get the 10% off for most of them :) But I sure won't mind if people pool some money and get us that cosleeper, we will sure need that!

12 Week Ultrasound

On Friday (yes, I am late posting) wen went for our nuchal translucency scan with some (yucky) blood work. Anyway, here is my beautiful baby, which looks a lot like a boy :) Our big ultrasound is scheduled for February 27 and then we will know for sure. Other than that baby has a strong heart beat which Mike heard for the first time. It really loves kicking momma, which was about the only movement we could get from the bean. Sweet. Can't wait until the room in there gets too small for the fluids to shield pieces of me. In case you are really interested in the results, the nasal bone was there and the fold was about 1.5 inches (so good). Blood work is not back yet. 

Yuck!

I thought given my weight and height I was not going to start showing until week 16 - 20. I GROSSLY overestimated. I started showing slightly around 10 weeks and today at 12 weeks... Well, look for yourself. I don't think I need to tell you which one is which one....

Better late than never

So, parents are gone and I still have not posted my first baby purchase. Shame. Well, here it is, our new and fabulous travel system by Chicco, appropriately expensive but amazingly excellent at the same time. We LOVE it. Of course it comes with the highest ratings out of all travel systems and separate purchases except maybe bugaboo, but let's face it, bugaboo is a bit out of our financial limits. We have come across an unexpected hurdle, though. The nursery furniture that we have originally picked out is nice, but neither convertible into a toddler bed or with a dropside. After hours of additional research we are still where we started and I would not be surprised if we ended up going with the original furniture anyway. Given our space requirements, we will not fit a toddler room there anyway and hopefully by the time we get to that point, baby number 2 will be on its way or at least we will be working on it (eg another IVF). Which sort of reminds me, if you wanted to see what exactly the IVF entails on the shot front, here is my picture worth thousand words.... http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e388/zlatoluna/florida149.jpg Please note that this is only about one half of the shots that I have actually taken, not counting in the 10 weeks worth of blood thinners aka lovenox. But btw. WE ARE IN THE SECOND TRIMESTER!